All I Got was this Lousy T-Shirt

Religious fervor swept through the village after the Malt 'n' Music Choir sang all their way home from the previous Malt 'n' Music so it seemed only right that the next night should be 'Songs of Praise'

In the build up to any night, many times, people seek a definition of the theme - but it is never defined always open to interpretation...

Did any of us know what the evening would bring?

Once again the Little Drummer Boy opened up his home for the revival meeting and the Malt 'n' Music men rolled up resplendent in their freshly purchased Malt 'n' Music t-shirts. The evening started like all good praise meetings with Parish Notices - not all appreciated the suggestion that the evening should also include a collection - was the religious fervour beginning to wane - a bad omen for our theme perhaps!!

So with the parish notices ditched we got on with what we came for - to sit back while we sipped back a single malt or seven and listen to songs that lift the soul...

And what an evening it was...

The music didn't disappoint but the evening was strangely lacking in anything to blog about! Smashy and Nicey found their way to the right house and even found their way home again, Little Drummer Boy didn't burn any chips, the Quizmaster didn't attempt any big words while inebriated, the Mav didn't try and convert us to the way of British Sea Power, Malt 'n' Music Man wore long trousers and the young 'un didn't even bring his dad - in fact he didn't come at all!!

Glasses were charged, stories told, glasses recharged, music played, glasses recharged, food devoured, glasses recharged - you get the general picture!

Yes many dressed the same like sad soppy 80's couples...

the Quizmaster and Malt 'n' Music Man argued over the empty collection plate, the counch was passed around to see who could get a tune out of it...

But we were soon to realise that tonight wasn't about the laughter - it was a right of passage - when Malt 'n' Music men came of age...

...the moment of the evening was as the Little Drummer Boy introduced his second Song of Praise. He told us of his work on the Nimrod aircraft, how he had been invited to her last flight and how the band had played Elgar's piece entitled Nimrod. 

As it played the hairs stood up on the back of our necks.


Was it the music? 

Yes...

       ...and...

                 ...no 

Was it the story revealing so much about the Little Drummer Boy's life? 

Yes...

       ...and...

                 ...no 

It was the connection between the two. 

Malt 'n' Music is at best a chance to drink, laugh, argue and listen to great music but it is also an insight into the souls of those who go - for that is what good music does - it touches the soul, identifies the deepest feelings and lifts the spirit. Every story we tell, every insight into why a track means so much reveals who we are, where we have come from and perhaps even where we may go.

But we don't need to over analyse and we don't need to try and philosophise. Dudley summed it all up as the silence fell after Nimrod finished - quietly saying: 'Kwality'

Malt 'n' Music 8

Songs of Praise

Track List

1. The Chain - Fleetwood Mac
2. Reverence - Jesus and Mary Chain
3. Aufzug - Wagner
4. Next to Me - Emeli Sande
5. Hello Bonjour - Michael Franti & Spearhead
6. Golden Slumber/Carry that Weight/The End/Her Majesty - The Beatles
7. Laid - James
8. Rocky Mountain Way - Joe Walsh
9. This is the One - The Stone Roses
10. Liberty Fanfare - John Williams
11. Raiders' March - John Williams
12. Moondance - Van Morrison
13. The Stumble - Gary Moore
14. Some Fantastic Place - Squeeze
15. Nimrod - Elgar
16. Another Night - The Hollies
17. I'd Rather Go Blind - Etta James
18. For Crying Out Loud - Meatloaf
19. Stripper Vicar - Manson
20. Les Nozze Di Figaro - Mozart
21. Nesicku Na Nebi Hlubokem - Dvorak

No Sleep 'til Moulton

So we hadn't covered ourselves in glory at the last outing of Malt 'n' Music! Guilty Pleasures could well have spelt the end for this little venture but it was worth one more try...

We could be born again.

Malt 'n Music Man opened up his small abode and the theme of covers was chosen as the one to save face and re-build the reputation of Malt 'n' Music.

In accordance with both the first and second rules of Guilty Pleasures Malt 'n' Music night no-one mentioned the previous outing.

It only took nine bars...

The keyboard played under the introduction and then...

As the guitar, drum and bass of the Sensational Alex Harvey Band kicked through in the 9th bar - Delilah belted out of the Malt 'n' Music Man speakers we knew that we had recovered and this was going to be a night to talk about. 

We were packed into the small room with the stereo cranked up and the alcohol flowing and the thing that had been missing from the previous meeting - the grunts of approval as a tracks started, the spontaneous shouts of 'TUNE', the raising of glasses and the nodding of approval was back.

We had been forgiven by the all powerful, the all musical God, our redemption was through the offering of his song for our salvation as we laid to rest the holy ghost of our guilty pleasures.

We were saved.

But there were virgins there that night ready to be sacrificed on the altar of the High Priestess of Malt and Music...

Dudley and Slow Hand Luke were not phased and entered into the ceremony with the earnest fervor of new converts, they drank, they listened, they drank some more, they shared their music and then drank even more... until Dudley uttered the immortal words '...its almost as good as the Motorhead version...' Ok maybe you had to be there - but it was his first confession!

Malt 'n' Music was back and with new recruits to keep the faith.

Half time started as usual with one or two stepping outside, refills, food and our little half time game - favourite Album Cover but there was a little surprise in store for Smashy (or was it nicey?) because Nicey (or was it Smashy?) let slip that Smashy (or was it nicey?) was celebrating a special birthday.

A cake was produced complete with candles and the boys clubbed together to buy Nicey (or was it Smashy?) a small gift...

The second half was as good as the first as with every tune, the volume was notched up, more was drunk until we were as loud as the music and it fell to new-boy Dudley to bring the evening to a close with his second choice.

But the zeal of a convert is hard to conceal. It was gone one in the morning but an impromptu Malt 'n' Music choir sang in the streets to spread the word and share the good news that all can be fed, redeemed and saved from all things evil like X-factor at the altar of the High Priestess of Malt and Music. 

They sang Jerusalem as they walked home a holy disorder of drunken monks.

Oblivious to the revival meeting taking palce in the village streets Malt 'n' Music Man slipped into bed and expected to hear a comment from Mrs Malt 'n' Music Man like '...that was a bit loud wasn't it...' but nothing was said. In the morning Mrs Malt 'n' Music Man assured Malt 'n' Music Man that she had slept through it all - which is more than can be said for the poor souls of the village woken by a drunken and out of tune Jerusalem! 

There was new life in Malt 'n' Music - we had experienced resurrection - not that it felt much like that the next morning!!!

Malt 'n' Music 7

Cover Me

Track List

1. Delilah - The Sensational Alex Harvey Band
2. Mr Soul - Rush
3. Simple Man - Shinedown
4. Fiddle and the Drum - A Perfect Circle
5. Don't Pass Me By - The Georgia Satellites
6. Whiskey in the Jar - Metallica
7. Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
8. The Band Played Waltzing Matilda- The Pogues
9. Long Tall Sally - The Beatles
10. Islands in the Stream - Rob Bryden & Ruth Jones
11. Whiskey in the Jar - Thin Lizzy
12. Fields of Gold - Eva Cassidy
13. Slipping Through My Fingers - Meryl Streep
14. Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Eva Cassidy
15. Shape of Things - Gary Moore
16. Money for Nothing - Wille and the Bandits
17. Born to Run - Alan Clarke
18. I Kissed a Girl - Travis
19. Live and Let Die - Guns 'n' Roses
20. What's So Funny About Peace, Love and Understanding - Elvis Costello
21. Imagine - A Perfect Circle
22. Drift Away - Rolling Stones
23. Billie Jean - The Civil Wars
24. Carnation - Ghallagher & Craddock

The Least Said the Better...

The first rule of Guilty Pleasures Malt 'n' Music night is you don't talk about Guilty Pleasures Malt 'n' Music night.

Malt 'n' Music 6

Guilty Pleasures

Track List

The second rule of Guilty Pleasures Malt 'n' Music night is you don't talk about Guilty Pleasures Malt 'n' Music night.

21st Century Boys will be Boys...

Ok so we were nervous!

Yes the pressure was on...

Up to now this had been a few friends sipping whiskey and sharing music but now the Sound Guy was upping the ante. 

As the Mini Bus pulled up outside the Moulton Lion the 21st Century Malt 'n' Music Boys, armed with alcohol, food and favourite music from the current century, climbed aboard for a magical, musical, mystery tour.

It was just like the end of term school trip - the young 'un had even brought his dad. 

With the added benefit of knowing that Smashie and Nicey where guaranteed to get to the right venue and find their way home too the Quizmaster took the register and we set off.

Deep into the Cheshire country side the bus travelled close to the edge and delivered a class of apprehensive school boys outside the headmasters door for their end of year test!

As the Sound Guy opened up his studio to us the tension was released as we were faced with more speakers in one room than we'd ever seen and a gigantic mixing desk - we cracked open the drinks and behaved like kids in a toy shop the week before christmas.

However, the Sound Guy wasn't going to let us off that easily - this was a test - he had deliberately chosen the theme - songs from the 21st Century because he had examined our course work over the year and seen that we were so last century!

Nervously we stood in front of the class to offer our two tracks, as they played we watched the Sound Guy's face for any sign - did his foot move - did we pass the test?!

As the last song faded the Headmaster delivered his verdict - we had all passed - and in true schoolboy style after receiving exam results we got drunk(er!).

Back on then bus at the end of the evening we reflected on another fantastic Malt 'n' Music night and all wished we had a stereo like the sound guys!!!

Malt 'n' Music 5

21st Century Boys

Track List

1. Wake Up - Arcade Fire
2. Running' Wild - Airbourne
3. The Ghost of Rockschool - Belle & Sabastian
4. Lippy Kids - Elbow
5. L'Amour Sel Tu - Katherine Jenkins
6. Viva La Vida - Coldplay
7. Self Evident - Ani di Franco
8. El Salvador - Athelete
9. Girl from the Office - Ian Hunter
10. Pencil Full of Lead - Paolo Nutini
11. Flowers in the Window - Travis
12. One Day Like This - Elbow
13. Civilisation - Joe Gideon & The Shark
14. Let the Four Winds Blow - Robert Plant & Band of Joy
15. Someone Like You - Adele
16. Now We are Free - Lisa Gerrard
17. Please Read the Letter - Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
18. On Your Wings - Iron & Wine
19. Burnin' Up - Seasick Steve
20. Dance Together - Paul McCartney

Live and Drunk

The Malt 'n' Music summer night is live music night and there is a grave danger that the Malt 'n' Music men will all turn up in their 30 year old tour T-shirts and embroidered denim jackets! However, due to too many beers being drunk since the heady teenage days of metal concerts only recent T-shirts will cover the middle-age beer bellies! So everyone is respectfully attired apart from Malt 'n' Music man himself who turns up late after playing football complete in his replica Holland shirt - feeling a bit of a lemon (or should that be an orange!) in complete football strip - he sits well away from everyone else after-all whiskey should be enjoyed neat or at a stretch with ice but at all times the aroma should never be mixed with stale sweat!

The Little Drummer Boy is hosting and all the latest technology is at our fingertips as we relive the great gigs of our distance youth. The PM is first among equals and shows us a glimpse of his undemocratic youth with a 80's prog rock song about revolution - how big a step has he taken from youthful Guevara hopeful to Cheshire's hopeful but never elected candidate? And surely thats a bigger step than from 80's prog to Floyd!!

Next up is the host himself and he's handing out songsheets! The beauty of these themed nights is that the theme is never defined so its open to interpretation - confessing that he doesn't own a live recording of anything the Little Drummer Boy is going to make us sing... The only problem is that at only the 2nd song in we are nowhere near drunk enough... somewhere in the dark recesses of youtube is a video recorded by the Mav. please if you do happen to stumble across it for the sake of music and art leave it undisturbed.

As we thundered on through an englishman on holiday, shed tears in heaven and listened to Smashie (or was it Nicey?!) get a confession off his chest as he kept abreast with a young hopeful singer's career (don't ask - what goes on at Malt 'n' Music stays at Malt 'n' Music) - the Little Drummer Boy fired up the ovens.

Next up was Nicey (or was it Smashie?!) promising us a ballad, this you have to understand is like the PM promising us Pink Floyd, the young 'un declaring that he had brought another CD, the Mav bringing something other than Pease Pudding, anyone of us going home sober, the quizmaster annunciating allegorical, a sign of the end times!

What we did discover was that by ballad he meant the first 8 bars and then the rest of the song was as hard rocking as ever!  By the time we had discovered this, survived the flood and the boy had eventually been persuaded to hoe corn unfortunately the half time chips were cremated! There was plenty of other fayre to line our stomachs with though - Pease Pudding from the Mav of course!!

The half time quiz was to match pictures of a venue with artists for people's favourite gig - did we really have a picture of 1980's Genesis at the Manchester Apollo (whoops what goes on at Malt 'n' Music stays at Malt 'n' Music - Too late!)

The second half of the evening was a fine mix of live music from start to finish with more 80's prog (much more self-indulgent in the 2nd half) hard rock, blues, singer-songwriter, pop and even a 60's classic.

It fell to the host to bring the evening to a close - which meant we were all singing again - but much whiskey, wine and beer had flowed so free of inhibitions the fishermen had a few more friends...

Malt 'n' Music 4

Live With Drunkenness

Track List

1. Market Square Heroes - Marillion
2. No Hopers, Jokers and Rogues - Fisherman's Friends
3. An Englishman on Holiday - Thunder
4. Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton
5. She's a Star - James
6. What Is and What Should Never Be - Jimmy Page & The Black Crows
7. Here Comes the Flood - Peter Gabriel
8. The Boy who Wouldn't Hoe Corn - Philip Henry & Hannah Martin
9. Calling All the Heroes - It Bites
10. Fool for Your Loving - Whitesnake
11. Creepshow - Twelfth Night
12. Stewart's Coat - Ricky Lee Jones
13. Asking Around for You - Joe Bonamassa
14. You Really Got Me - The Kinks
15. Round Here - Counting Crows
16. Bully in the Alley - Fisherman's Friends

Unlike Father Unlike Son

It's OSCAR night at M'n'M as for the third gathering the theme chosen is soundtracks, music written for or featured in films. As we were all carefully planning our two tracks Smashie and Nicey were also prepared carefully for the night and it paid off as they managed to enter the right house first time! 

The young 'un was hosting, the guy with only one CD, and the first thing we all notice is there is music everywhere. There is row upon row of vinyl and before the evening begins we are all pawing over the collection and bragging how many LP's we had in our day! The young 'un assures us this is only the tip of the iceberg and there is much more in other rooms in the house...

The young 'un still lives with Ma & Pa and it turns out that the young 'un's Pa is quite a muso - and we all want to ask how his lad turned out so musically challenged - but the young 'un's Pa has been banished from the house so instead we deposit our pies in the kitchen, the posters of our best loved films in the brown envelope for half time and settle down for the first half with our favourite tipple in hand.

As you would expect with a muso dad the hi-fi is sounding fantastic but the young 'un is not cranking up the volume - Quizmaster quizzes him and he mutters something about neighbours!

But Little Drummer Boy needs to wire in his ipad so we can listen to his first track - the young 'un is becoming nervous - Little Drummer Boy dives in around the back rewiring as he goes - the young 'un is now looking pale - again Quizmaster lives up to his name - 'What's up young 'un?'

As he leaves the room he replies 'I can't watch this - someone tell him to be careful - my dad only bought it this week!'

Once Little Drummer Boy has finished the operation the young 'un is sort and reassured that all is fine - he returns looking less frightened and we resume - he seems blissfully unaware that in his absence we also persuaded Little Drummer Boy to whip up the volume a bit!!

The evening roles through to the credits in a mixture of theme tunes, classical pieces and rock songs. Some great acceptance speeches along the way with Smashie (or is it Nicey) getting the OSCAR for best name drop award as he introduces a track by the Cure with a story about meeting Mr Smith in a cemetery!

As the ceremony comes to an end, little after show parties break out and Quizmaster and Malt 'n' Music Man slip outside for a crafty cigar - as they are putting the world to rights Smashie and Nicey leave shouting goodnight and turning right out of the young 'un's drive.

Malt 'n' Music Man (to Quizmaster): 'You've lived in the village longer than me so I may be wrong but if you turn right here there is no way out is there?'

Quizmaster: 'No you have to turn left'

Malt 'n' Music Man: 'Oh thought so'

Quizmaster: 'Why?'

Malt 'n' Music Man: 'No reason - but if I were Smashie or Nicey I'd be wondering how long I would have to  wait until we have gone back inside before retracing my steps...!'

Quizmaster: 'Lets wait and see...'

Ten minutes later Smashie & Nicey strode purposely past without even looking and finally chose the right track home!

Malt 'n' Music 3

Soundtracks

Track List

1. Intermezzo - Cavaleria Rusticana/Mascagni - Raging Bull
2. Main Titles - Band of Brothers - Band of Brothers
3. Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin - School of Rock
4. Self Preservation Society - Italian Job Cast - The Italian Job
5. Pretty in Pink - Psychedelic Furs - Pretty in Pink
6. I am a Man of Constant Sorrows - Saggy Bottom Boys - Oh Brother Where Art Thou
7. James Bond Theme - John Barry - Dr No
8. Hey Bulldog - The Beatles -Yellow Submarine
9. Cocaine - JJ Cale - Starsky & Hutch
10. The Weight - The Band - Easy Rider
11. Un Bel di Vedremo - Puccini - Madame Butterfly
12. Jump (for my love) - Girls Aloud - Love Actually
13. Close to Me - The Cure - Son of Rambow
14. She Caught the Katy - The Blues Brothers - The Blues Brothers
15. The Pink Panther - Henry Mancini - The Pink Panther
16. James Bond Theme - Moby - The World is Not Enough
17. Suicide is Painless - Manic Street Preachers - M*A*S*H
18. Something - Paul McCartney & Eric Clapton - Concert for George
19. The Empire Strikes Back - John Williams - The Empire Strikes Back
20. Try a Little Tenderness - Otis Redding - The Road

Quite a few for the Road...

As the hangovers faded and the M’n’Mers could face daylight again the stories of the first legendary Malt ‘n’ Music were told and retold and everybody’s list of possible songs for that first night revealed.

But with just one hit Malt ‘n’ Music was in the veins and only another night would satisfy.

The evening of April Fools Day was chosen, the Cidermaker offered his abode and the theme was decided upon - best music to drive to.

Once again conversations in the Lion centered around which tracks to choose - but never by name. CD cases were seen strewn across front seats as every car trip became a chance to try out possible choices - radio’s were suddenly cranked up as a local station gave a helping hand or muddied the waters in the decision making and ipods were set on shuffle in the hope of prompting the memory of that great driving track!

The Cidermaker declared a sausage fest for the food theme and a new twist to the evening was added - the half time challenge! 

So we arrived at the Cider Farm with two tracks, our favorite sausage and a picture of our first ever car! Well most of us arrived - Smashie & Nicey where still to arrive! To the soundtrack of Alice's Restaurant we waited - then they came in sight we waved and still waited...


Obviously for most of us the most difficult decision was which tracks to choose but for Smashie and Nicey it was which front door to choose! As we waited - they boldly knocked and entered - the Cidermaker's neighbours house! Walking in waving beer, sausages and CD's with the words 'Right we're here lads lets gets the evening started'. The stunned neighbours sat in shocked silence and surreptitiously started to dial 999!!

With Smashie and Nicey finally in the right house, the sausages in the oven, the car photos in a brown envelope, corks were popped, beer poured, whiskey shared and with the Cidermaker in the driving seat the evening accelerated through the gears into a high octane night with a heavy mix of alcohol and great music. 


Navigating via the 2-4-6-8 Motorway onto Copperhead Road we chose our Roots carefully through middle of the road pop and onto country roads where with each Bend and Break Old Friends found out How it Felt to have a brush with the Police and be reminded Who is in Control as they were kept In the Dark despite their Sympathy for the Devil to ensure Paradise by the Dashboard Light! 


This amazing journey was only punctuated with a Space Service Station #5 stop for sausages and the challenge of matching the bizarrely painted van with her owner!

Needless to say no-one drove home!

Malt 'n' Music 2

On the Road

Track List

1. Bend and Break- Keane
2. Enter Sandman - Metallica
3. 2-4-6-8 Motorway - Tom Robinson Band
4. Copperhead Road - Steve Earle
5. How Does it Feel - Slade
6. In the Dark - Billy Squire
7. I Don't Want a Lover - Texas
8. Blue Monday - New Order
9. Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meatloaf
10. Every Little Thing She Does is Magic - The Police
11. Roots - Show of Hands
12. Old Friends - Everything but the Girl
13. Fire - Des'ree
14. Who's in Control - British Sea Power
15. Mr Blue Sky - Electric Light Orchestra
16. Hedonism - Skunk Anansie
17. Space Station #5 - Montrose
18. Hush - Kula Shaker
19. Born to be Wild - Steppenwolf
20. Sympathy for the Devil - The Rolling Stones